Welcome to the Freak Show

I've spent more time in cemeteries during the past year than I've spent in my previous 34 years. And even though I've become less anxious (no doubt because I insist that we go during the day), that doesn't mean I'm entirely comfortable with it. In fact, sometimes I get downright jumpy.

It's not all the fault of my precarious mental state, though; sometimes there really are creepy things in a cemetery, and sometimes even the sunlight can't chase away the jitters.

Witness:

1.  I will never, no never, be able to go to a cemetery without expecting a Carrie-like resurrection right where I'm standing.  Which is why cracked tombstones give me the willies, on account of one or more of this grave's residents have obviously broken through.

2.  This shrub has clearly come to life for the sole purpose of devouring this grave.

Can't you see it?  I can help with that.

 3.  Things without heads are frightening, period. 

I may or may not have been the only person in the third grade who cried during the Disney cartoon version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  In my defense:

Sweet lord above.

4.  Okay, disembodied limbs are about 10,000 times worse than things without heads. 

I pretty much expect these to start crawling toward me at any moment, sort of like Thing in The Addams Family, another show I cannot watch.

5.  This marker is looking at me. 

And it HATES me.

6.  Finally, the creepiest thing I saw the cemetery.  Are you ready?  Can you handle it?  No, really, can you?  Because:

Oh, it's not so bad?  Hmmm ... let me see, oh yes.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  I think this is an appropriate response:

Yup, that's about right.